Torture by Veggies
by Bayou Bebe
Summary: Jensen may hate it but Cougar always knows what's best for him. Rated PG-13 for language. Established relationship Crack!fic


Jensen stared at Cougar in horror, his face frozen and his body quivering as he tried to comprehend what his lover was telling him, "You want me to do _what_ now?" He asked before his eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head, "Because you know I love you like so super much, and I would totally do anything for you in the world, but man there really is no need to be disgusting and cruel." He babbled as he fluttered his hands a bit on his lap.

Cougar was unamused as he stared at the blond haired man, "I want you to eat your vegetables." He insisted while glaring pointedly at the untouched cauliflower on the bespectacled man's plate.

Jensen's face took on a green tinge, "No." he said finally.

Cougar's head rose slowly to bring the full weight of his stare on Jensen, his whole face lit up in warning.

Jensen glared back stubbornly, "No, I refuse, I hate it and won't do it!" he said firmly. "You can't make me, Cougar!" he insisted.

Clay was relaxing, reading the sports section of the local newspaper trying to figure out what had been happening with the cowboys since he'd been out of the country when an ungodly scream erupted from the back bedroom that Jensen and Cougar shared. "CLAAAAAAY!" His tech screamed out causing him to lower his paper and look over at Roque who was sitting in a chair with a book. "HELP ME CLAY!" Jensen screamed again, "I'M TIED TO A FUCKING CHAIR!" the hacker continued causing Clay to wince and shout back, "Jensen! I don't want to know!" He barked back, causing his 2IC to smirk and return to his book.

"BUT CLAAAY! HE'S DEFILING MY MOUTH!"

Clay closed his eyes and tried to suppress a shudder from the mental image, "SHUT UP JENSEN!" He yelled back.

"HELP MEEEE! I DON'T WANT TO TASTE IT!" Jensen screamed out again, his voice getting hoarse.

"COUGAR! QUIT MAKING HIM SCREAM OUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO HIM OR I'LL FUCKING GUT YOU!" Roque yelled out, his book long forgotten as he glared into the door of the hallway. The only response was a muffled chuckle and another inarticulate scream from Jensen.

"NO! NO! YOU CAN… AUGH! HEEEELP! IT TASTES HORRIBLE! MOUTH RAPE! MOUTH RAPE!" Jensen yelled.

"What the hell… I walked in at the wrong damn time." Pooch muttered from the doorway as Clay cringed and threw his paper down in disgust to go maim his teammates before they got evicted.

"PLEASE!" Jensen screamed out again, his voice half shrill half croak, "I HATE CAULIFLOWER!"

Roque and Clay stared at each other before the scarred man snorted and they got up to find out what the hell was going on with their hacker and sniper.

By the time they got to the room, had pushed the door open and stumbled inside they were confronted by Cougar pinching Jensen's nose and holding his chin up firmly so he couldn't open his mouth. The hacker was tied to a chair in the middle of the room with tears streaming down his quickly reddening face. "Swallow it you stubborn little bitch!" the sniper hissed angrily, "If you pass out I'll still shove it down your throat!" He threatened.

"Uh… Cougar?" Clay asked, Roque being no help laughing in the doorway, "What the hell are you doing to my hacker?"

"I'm doing what's good for him." The sniper responded testily, turning halfway to glare at Clay, "Shut up, or you'll be next." He snapped before turning back to Jensen. "Swallow it Puta!" He snapped, smirking when Jensen did so. "There see? Its not that bad is it?"

Jensen gasped for air when Cougar released him. "My mouth… I'm UNCLEAN!" He wailed as he dropped his head to his chest and shuddered. "I need a shower!" he whined before glaring up balefully at Cougar, "I don't like you right now, go away." He insisted before his eyes widened, "After you untie me that is." He restated before glaring at the others in the room, "You too! Stupid assholes would let someone castrate me without even checking on me… hate this fucking team sometimes…." He muttered as he tried to get out of the ropes that had immobilized.

Pooch held up his hands, "Dude I saw you and Cougs in bed together once… that was plenty for me." He said with a smirk, "I'm not really keen on peeking in on your ding-a-ling session every time you yell out something racy." He countered getting more laughter from Roque and a blush from Jensen.

Jensen sniffed. "Whatever, I'm going out." He said firmly when Cougar finally released him from the chair and he'd managed to stand up. "Don't wait up." He sniffed angrily at cougar before stalking from the room.

Cougar smirked and coiled the rope back up before stuffing it back in Jensen's bag, "He'll forgive me." He said confidently before shrugging and leaving the rest of the team in the room.

Roque shook his head as the sniper walked out. "Damn Clay, they're just fucked up." He muttered before leaving with a newly chuckling Pooch

Clay couldn't help but agree… at least a little.


End file.
